


Mistletoe and Other Mysteries

by AuroraNova



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Christmas, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:43:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8924545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova
Summary: Teal'c tries to understand Christmas, with very little success.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I, of course, own nothing at all and make not a cent.   
> Merry Christmas!

Thus far Teal’c was finding his second Christmas among the Tau’ri nearly as perplexing as his first.

His teammates’ attempts to enlighten him the previous year had often left him more confused. Daniel Jackson provided a thorough explanation of the religious context and that much Teal’c vaguely understood. He found it very peculiar that any god would allow its child to be born among livestock, but a religious holiday was not an unfamiliar concept.

However, from here his comprehension rapidly declined. There was some debate over whether or not the human mother of this Jesus god ought to be worshipped as a saint. Saints, as far as Teal’c could gather, were something in between a god and a human, a baffling concept. And this was only one of innumerable Tau’ri religions, which could not even agree amongst its adherents.

O’Neill told him of Santa Claus. Teal’c could not imagine why parents would encourage belief in a deity they knew to be false, though O’Neill insisted Santa Claus was not a deity. Teal’c found no discernable difference between the way Tau’ri treated Santa Claus and Jesus so he failed to see why one was a god and the other was not. Furthermore, O’Neill’s insistence on the “magic” of Santa Claus was entirely nonsensical.

Captain Carter invited him to drive around Colorado Springs and observe Christmas lights. While this was not unpleasant, she could not provide any explanation as to why some of the Tau’ri chose to cover their homes and land with lights and lighted figures. Nor was there any connection to Jesus or Santa Claus, though both were represented among these ‘Christmas decorations.’

The more Teal’c learned the less he understood. General Hammond mentioned decorating a Christmas tree with his grandchildren, but he too lacked any reason for ornamenting flora other than “it’s tradition.”

Tradition was very important at Christmas, it seemed. It was because of tradition that the mess hall produced egg nog (“It’s better with a little bourbon,” said O’Neill, “but they can’t do that in the mess.”), and cookies in specific shapes including a roughly human form. This he found somewhat alarming.

“Why do you wish to consume food shaped to resemble a human?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about the shape,” said O’Neill. “They’re delicious.”

“Gingerbread men are a Christmas tradition,” replied Captain Carter.

He began to wonder if anyone knew where these innumerable Christmas traditions came from so he sought Daniel Jackson’s input.

“A lot of these Christmas traditions are newer than you’d think,” explained the archaeologist. “I’m better with ancient history. I can tell you why people hang Christmas stockings, though.”

This was the first Teal’c had heard of hanging garments. “Please do.”

“Santa is actually a combination of multiple people, or myths. One of them was a saint, Saint Nicholas. He probably existed, although the stories get exaggerated over time.”

Saints again. These demi-gods were evidently of no small importance.

“The story goes that he was trying to anonymously help a poor family,” continued Daniel Jackson, “so he threw a gold coin down their chimney.”

“A gold coin would be currency?” he surmised. He already knew from O’Neill that chimneys were heat vents that, inexplicably, served as Santa Claus’s portal into homes. Quite aside from the implausibility of an individual of Santa Claus’s girth fitting in chimneys, Teal’c would find this intrusion alarming.

Then again, this was a figure who travelled in a sleigh flown by reindeer. One could not expect it to be logical.

Daniel Jackson nodded. “Yes. The family had washed socks and hung them up by the chimney to dry, and the gold coin landed in a sock. So that’s where the tradition started.”

“You hang wet socks in the hopes that someone will throw currency down your chimney?”

Daniel Jackson chuckled. “No. We actually buy giant socks just for Christmas, and parents will fill them with candy and small gifts for their children.”

That, Teal’c supposed, was no more peculiar than any other Christmas tradition.

This year he had learned of the existence of an extensive catalogue of Christmas music, which he listened to in the hopes of furthering his understanding. The results were mixed at best.

SG-1 was camped on P8Z-049 when he brought up the subject. “I have been listening to music devoted to Christmas,” he began. “What is mistletoe?”

“It’s a plant,” said Captain Carter, “and if two people are under a sprig of it at Christmastime they have to kiss.”

“Mistletoe has a long history of association with fertility and friendship,” added Daniel Jackson, as though the information made sense of this kissing tradition.

“What if the individuals in question do not wish to kiss?”

“That,” said O’Neill, “is why you always look up at Christmas parties.”

Teal’c was still attempting to make sense of this when Daniel Jackson spoke again. “Have you heard _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer_ yet? I always thought that song sent a bad message. The other reindeer bully Rudolph mercilessly until all the sudden they need him.”

O’Neill shook his head. “I think you’re missing the point, Daniel. The very thing that Rudolph got teased for ended up being good.”

“And Santa never even intervened with this reindeer bullying,” continued Daniel Jackson, “yet he’s the arbiter of whether children are good or bad. It would’ve served Santa right if Rudolph refused to help when it was foggy.”

Obviously Daniel Jackson was not a great admirer of Santa Claus. Teal’c approved.

“That would’ve ruined Christmas for every kid in the world!” said O’Neill, aghast.

“Never mind that.” Captain Carter added a log to the fire, frowning. “What about _Little Drummer Boy_? You’re telling me that the woman chosen to be the mother of God didn’t have the good sense to stop a kid from playing drums around her newborn?”

O’Neill shrugged. “Maybe she knew the whole divinity thing meant he wouldn’t cry.”

“I never thought of that, Sam.” Daniel Jackson considered the suggestion for a moment before declaring, “You have a good point.”

“Can’t we just enjoy Christmas music?” asked O’Neill.

“Last year you wanted to know what anyone would do with a gift of ten lords a leaping,” retorted Daniel Jackson.

He would, Teal’c concluded, never truly understand the Tau’ri.


End file.
